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by friendlyneighborhoodfairy



Series: FNF's Nonbinary Month fics 2020 [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cunnilingus, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, Public Blow Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Public Nudity, Public Sex, Sorry Not Sorry, They get better, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering, Voyeurism, gender questioning, gray takes their confusion out as anger and is a douchebag for a while, lol it's not just sex, purposeful misuse of pronouns, trigger warning (for pronoun misuse and bullying)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/friendlyneighborhoodfairy
Summary: When Natsu transitions, Gray is oddly, deeply bitter about it. It takes destroying their friendship to realize what’s going on in Gray's own heart.Meanwhile, Gray witnesses a display of public sex and has wet dreams about doing it…for years. But can never get the nerve to ask a partner. Until a partner asks Gray.Do not copy this work to other sites.
Relationships: Gray Fullbuster & Lucy Heartfilia, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine, Natsu Dragneel & Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster
Series: FNF's Nonbinary Month fics 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843501
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62
Collections: Nonbinary Month 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Nonbinary + trans male character + Fairy Tail (Gratsu, Fraxus).
> 
> Welcome to nonbinary month, lovelies! I'm still really sick and so I didn't kick things off with a bang on the first like I wanted, but oh well. Please do contribute if you feel so inclined! The collection will remain open for a month after in case of late submissions ;)

Gray is thirteen when they walk in on Laxus and the new guy.

Gray and Natsu are minding their own business—a.k.a. trying to find a place to pound each other where Erza won’t put them in ‘time out’ again. Natsu grabs Gray’s hand to lead him through the back hallway, and Gray races to take the lead because he can’t let her outdo him at anything.

They drag each other out the back door to head to the woods, but there’s a sound to their left and Gray looks over—and freezes.

Laxus and the newest guildmember are halfway toward becoming a single entity. With the young man pressing him to the wall, Laxus has green hair wrapped around his fingers, and looks like he’s enjoying tugging it. The new guy looks like he’s enjoying it, too.

Gray had noticed the guy long enough to observe that he’s very pretty, though not much else. The guy is Laxus’s age, and Gray cares more about hitting Natsu than meeting new people who will probably end up as arrogant and uninteresting as Laxus is.

This, though…has his attention. They’re moving like it hurts not to, like physical contact is all that’s holding them together. And the sounds. Gray didn’t know people made sounds like that, especially not Laxus, and there’s a certain neediness to it that surprises and touches him.

And they’re both completely naked.

“Shit,” Natsu says, short and startled, and tugs on Gray’s hand. Gray’s feet still aren’t moving.

The prettyboy with the green hair looks over and gives them a glare unlike any Gray’s gotten before (and he’s gotten a lot). Over the irritation and anger, pride is dark in his eyes, possessive and hungry and showing off.

Gray swallows.

 _“Gray,”_ Natsu growls, and Gray lets her pull him away.

But he can’t get that stare out of his head.

* * *

Gray would never say he seeks out opportunities to spy on Freed and Laxus again. It just sort of happens, because they’re very public, and Gray goes where he wants to go. Over the years, he walks in on them in plenty of compromising situations: making out in the infirmary; shirts off and hands all over each other in the pantry; clothes on with Laxus crouching over Freed and rutting hard against him in the grass out back; and behind a pillar upstairs with Laxus on his knees and Freed’s face contorting as he arches in response to whatever Laxus is currently doing with his mouth between Freed’s legs.

Most of the times, they don’t see Gray, and after a few seconds, he pulls back and leaves. When he catches them behind the pillar, Freed is just in the process of unloading, and Gray sees it all—every expression on his face—before Freed opens his eyes, realizes he’s being watched, and makes a silent shooing gesture.

Gray leaves them to their fun.

But it would be a lie to say those images don’t stick in his mind. That he doesn’t jack off to thoughts about it—how hot it looks when they do it, yes, but also how it would feel to be the one getting fucked like that, being watched.

* * *

Gray starts noticing the change in himself around the same time he notices Natsu acting strangely.

Inside, Gray feels weird, wiggly, like he doesn’t fit his skin and nobody understands. He’s been told that’s how puberty feels, but it’s still different from what he expected—yeah, there’s puberty, but then there’s also this twist in his chest when he gets dressed, or meets new people, or uses a washroom in public.

He strips naked now more than ever, and he gets in trouble for it all the time, but it just feels so _freeing._ And it’s hard to explain, but it’s not just about being cold like his ice.

Not just about how Natsu looks at his body when he strips, either. It’s something else.

Any attention from her these days is nice, though. She doesn’t fight with him as much; she’s moodier, and grumpier, and solemn in a way she never used to be. Erza and Mira have both intimated that she’s just gotten her period and this is normal, but Gray doesn’t think that’s it. For one thing, he knows periods don’t last for months and months without stopping, and for another, her melancholy shows the most when she’s around him.

A tiny, tiny part of him wonders if she has a crush on him.

He likes to show off in front of her, just in case.

An even tinier part of him admits he’d really like her to have a crush on him.

But over time, he realizes that it’s not lust in her eyes when she watches him strip. Maybe a little—he’s not very good at identifying lust, as the only experience he has with it is walking in on other people mid-fuck. But he knows what jealousy looks like, and that’s what he sees in her eyes. Taking him in from head to toe and wanting it for herself.

* * *

When she comes out to him, he’s shocked.

“Not a girl,” Erza repeats, Natsu at her side, nodding along with eyes downcast. “Please treat him as a boy.”

“You mean like call her ‘him’ and stuff?” Gray blurts.

“Yes.” There’s dangerous fire in Erza’s eyes, and he knows he said that wrong, but he’s just too overwhelmed.

When at last Natsu glances up, Gray looks in her eyes— _his_ eyes—and feels a roar deep in his chest.

It’s Gray’s turn to be jealous. He can’t begin to say why.

That afternoon, they each give each other a black eye, and it should make everything feel better, like it always does—Natsu is smiling like the sun itself. But Gray can’t sleep that night.

* * *

Natsu goes back to normal after coming out to the guild. Besides being a dude, he’s really not that different. He fights just as hard, explodes just as often, and bickers with Gray every chance he gets. In fact, they're finally back to normal in their relationship.

At first it’s really nice. The ordinariness is just what Gray is looking for, or so he thinks. Fighting Natsu always makes him feel more organized inside, like Natsu burns away all the unimportant stuff.

Except he doesn’t know what he wants. Gray’s confused, and Natsu’s punches searing his skin don’t help. Even worse is when he watches Natsu among their guildmates, getting high-fives or punching other people or just generally being his super-annoying self. Everyone treats him like a dude, and Gray isn’t sure why that pisses him off so much, but it does.

So he goes back to calling Natsu ‘her.’

The first time he does it, Natsu kicks him in the mouth so suddenly that Gray spits blood. Several of his teeth are loose. He just gives Natsu a bloody grin and they go at it like normal. Natsu doesn’t seem to hold it against him.

The next time, though, Natsu yells at him as well as brawling with him, shouting, “It’s ‘he,’ you bastard!” in Gray’s ear. Gray finds it oddly hot. That’s probably not healthy.

But Natsu’s enraged face gets his blood pumping, and he finds he needs that now in order to feel alive. Everything else is stifling, and he’s started to question why he’s alive. What the point is. But this: when it seems Natsu might actually want to kill him—he feels like he has to keep holding onto survival, even if it’s just to piss Natsu off.

So he does it more and more, calling Natsu things like _princess_ and _Natsu-chan._ And when Natsu hears Gray use ‘she’ these days, he glares with hellfire in his eyes.

It all breaks when they’re down by the river one day.

Natsu and Gray are fighting over something dumb and insignificant that neither of them remember—this is one of their fights-for-the-fun-of-it and they’re both enjoying themselves immensely. Gray wants to step it up, so he says, “No wonder you had to become a boy: you don’t punch hard enough to be a girl.”

In the past few weeks, Natsu has taken to screaming at him over shit like this, so it shocks him when Natsu withdraws instead.

“What the fuck, Gray,” he says, sad and—and _disappointed._ “When did you become a legitimate douchebag?”

Natsu’s disappointment, like he expected better, like he actually _believed_ in Gray when Gray doesn’t even believe in himself—it cracks Gray’s heart wide open. He’s vulnerable and bare, and all his confusion, all his pain, hangs out in the open.

He hates it.

“Fuck you!” he shouts. Part of him wants to rub Natsu’s face in the dirt, but that wouldn’t be bad enough. They do that all the time. The worst thing he can do is something he’s never done before.

Gray walks away.

Natsu tries to pounce on him, but Gray shoots out an ice wall without looking back, thick enough that it’ll take Natsu a few moments to work through it. In that time, Gray starts running, spewing indiscriminate ice behind him to confuse Natsu’s nose, and escapes.

That’s the last time they talk to each other for a long time.

* * *

Gray makes absolutely sure not to run into Erza. She’d force him to apologize to Natsu and all the other healthy shit that he can’t do. He’s not healthy. He’s abandoned and maimed and has watched the people he loved die in pain.

Life never intended him to be well-adjusted.

He wears black and keeps his clothes on, starts kissing random people he meets on jobs, and considers living his dream of having sex in front of other people. But it never feels quite right—he’s never had sex before, and he doesn’t want to completely fumble it, _especially_ if people are watching him.

It’s when he’s kissing someone behind a barn that he discovers there are other genders.

He knows about being trans from Natsu and other folks in the guild, and he’s made out with a few trans girls and dudes. But this person calls themself genderfluid and answers his questions with, “I feel like my gender changes from day to day. Or sometimes I don’t have one.”

Gray takes this in while they continue to make out, because the person’s lips are incredibly agile and their hands are vigorous. Gray isn’t going to say no to frotting and sucking marks onto each other’s necks.

They both come, and it’s the first time Gray experiences that with someone else. His first time having sex, regardless of clothes being on. He doesn’t even understand their gender, but frankly it doesn’t matter because they’re attractive and the wetness in his briefs testifies how much he liked it.

“You have beautiful eyes,” they say to him before they go, touching his face.

Gray blushes.

When they’re gone, he still leans there, brushing his cheek and wondering why those words felt so good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu can't stand the sight of Gray anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu judges someone sleeping around (because he has a crush); I do not.

Natsu hates Gray. Hates him. It’s a pure, raging hatred that curls around his insides and fills his dreams with fire. No one’s ever hurt him like Gray has.

Erza tries to talk to him about it.

“You need to tell him,” she insists. “That he hurt you.”

“I don’t have to tell him shit,” Natsu growls.

“You won’t fix this if you don’t.”

“I don’t want to fix it. I don’t want to be friends with someone who can be that much of an asshole.”

“Natsu.” Erza pinches her forehead. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. It was horrible, yes, but this is Gray we’re talking about. He was probably…angry about something else, and took it out on you. He needs to apologize.”

“Until he does, and maybe even if he does, I’m not interested,” Natsu says, and walks away.

It’s dangerous to walk away from Erza, especially when arguing, but she doesn’t come after him and doesn’t call his name. He’s glad she recognizes that this time is serious.

* * *

Natsu doesn’t even see Gray much, until one day he’s eating lunch at the bar when Gray stumps in from his latest job. Erza’s gone, which isn’t surprising, since Gray seems as intent on avoiding her as avoiding Natsu. As Natsu glares and watches him cross the hall, he notices that Gray’s avoiding everyone, navigating to stay well away from tables with people he’s friendly with, barely nodding when someone calls hello.

He’s so fucking pretty—Natsu’s noticed it before, but today it seems particularly apparent. Gray has his signature scowl up, but the dark clothes suit his brown skin and his eyes look particularly vivid. He’s very pretty, and Natsu hates him for it.

Bullies shouldn’t get to be pretty on top of everything else. They get the world, get all the power, get the last word, get to hold the reins and hurt everyone else while they get off scot-free.

Natsu turns his back, and when he next glances around the hall, Gray is gone.

Weird. Good riddance.

* * *

Natsu doesn’t know why he does it. His life is _fine,_ and _full,_ and he doesn’t need anyone else besides the people he’s got. But Gray’s avoidance has him concerned—not worried, because Gray’s not worth it and Natsu’s still furious with him and wants him to suffer; but he’s…wary. Gray hasn’t been around the guild in over a month, even though Natsu smells him around town from time to time, and a few people, like Mira, get pained looks when his name comes up. Natsu doesn’t like his friends being worried, even if it’s over a douchebag.

He sneaks up on Gray’s flat like it’s prey that will flee.

He listens carefully for a long moment before peeking in the window. It’s dead silent, and what he can see through the glass is clean and tidy and bare. Gray is not a neat freak; has always been a bit on the messy side, so this is weird. Natsu starts to wonder if Gray even lives there anymore.

Gray wouldn’t leave Magnolia without telling _someone,_ would he? If he did, that’s cause for panic. Even for Natsu. It’s unspoken inside him, but he knows…he knows there’s a part of Gray that will hurt himself if it gets out of control.

Gripped by the sudden fear that Gray is dead—that something happened—Natsu slams his shoulder into the door until it pops inward.

The smell of Gray is fresh inside the apartment. Bounding through the spotless main room and empty kitchenette, he stops in the doorway of Gray’s room and witnesses the chaos.

Clothes thrown everywhere. Sheets and bedspread tangled on the floor. Pillow in the corner. Closet and dresser exploding their contents into the room. Compared to the rest of the flat, it’s like all of Gray’s messiness has been concentrated in this one room.

The bed does look and smell freshly slept in, however. And there’s no sign of violence beyond a shirt lying halfway in the trashcan.

It’s the scent that first gets Natsu. Something that’s different—a smell he knows from crashing Lucy’s place, not to mention growing up with Erza and Levy and Cana. Makeup has a distinct smell to it, and Natsu’s surprised how strongly he can smell it here—more than just if Gray recently had a made-up friend over.

It clues him in to small changes that he sees everywhere. There’s a pretty picture of a person who looks not unlike Gray tucked in the mirror. Wearing all-black and looking remarkably similar to how Gray’s been dressing recently, except definitively androgynous. And is that really all that different from how Gray’s looked lately? The haircut, the…Natsu isn’t sure how to pin it down.

There are women’s clothes among those scattered on the floor. Natsu would assume—with a sneer of derision—that Gray had been sleeping around, but the clothes only smell like Gray, nobody else. He thinks about the last few times he saw Gray and can remember boots with a bit more of a heel, a jacket that looked tailored in a way Natsu hadn’t paid too much attention to besides being confused by the look; but now he realizes, it was sewn for someone with curves. Ah.

But none of this does anything to help him with where Gray went, and just makes the confusion more pronounced. After perusing the room a bit longer, Natsu slips out, attempts to make the broken door look not-quite-as-broken, and slinks away.

Now Gray _really_ irks him.

* * *

Gray bursts into the guildhall with a fierce glare.

“Someone broke into my flat,” he announces to the hall at large.

“Shit!” Mira reacts first. “Was anything stolen?”

“No,” Gray admits, relaxing a little, “but it still concerns me.”

“That’s _more_ concerning,” Erza corrects, coming over to him. “What jobs have you taken recently?”

Gray pales.

“You don’t think this is… _revenge_ or something?”

Erza shrugs.

The weirdness between them seems temporarily evaporated: Natsu notes that Erza is acting normal and protective. Just yesterday, she vented about Gray’s recent behavior, and Natsu knows she’s still mad. But this event trumps her anger. He decides, grudgingly, it can trump his too.

Also, he’s curious.

“Who would want revenge?” he asks, approaching the little knot with his arms crossed.

Gray looks over, and the meeting of their eyes is painful. But Gray doesn’t seem to feel the stabbing in Natsu’s chest, just looks to Natsu like he’s looking for help. Like they’re friends again or something.

“Nobody,” he says. “I don’t think I’ve pissed anyone off lately.”

Natsu can’t help his hackles rising, but Gray has already turned away.

“There was that one guy,” Gray continues to Lucy, “on that job I helped you with. But I thought we settled that.”

“I thought we did too,” she says.

Their conversation fades out of Natsu’s consciousness as he watches Gray. Gray being normal, being worried, being not-an-asshole. Also, wearing that tailored jacket again. And the merest bit of color around his eyes.

It’s several minutes before Natsu comes back to the conversation and realizes, quite suddenly, that he was the break-and-enter-er.

Oh. Duh.

He says nothing, though. Erza now has Gray going over every little thing he might’ve said to piss someone off, and Gray is quietly admitting things like, “Yeah, I was a bit mean,” which is oddly nice to hear.

This’ll be good for Gray.


	3. Chapter 3

Natsu’s eyes are on him. Not just at the moment—they have been every time Gray is in the guild. Gray’s been around more often. The broken-door scare (which never turned into anything more, so he’s hoping it was his drunk neighbor or something) reconnected him to his friends. Erza’s kinder to him, even throws her arm around him, as if she can tell somehow that he needs the comfort.

He’s not sure why he likes the hugging. Or if he really needs it. But it’s nice.

* * *

Gray uses Natsu’s correct pronouns again. He can’t not. For one thing, he uses the correct pronouns of his two trans lovers, and he knows how important it is to them, and he feels like a hypocrite and a bastard for so deeply hurting the person who once was his best friend.

Having sex with a lot of people has opened his eyes to the world. Maybe that’s strange, but he never cared much what others thought; now that he’s sleeping with them, he cares about their thoughts. He is interested to know their opinions. Pillow talk is very frequently philosophical conversations, because that’s just how he is. Plus it’s rousing enough it often leads to another round.

The other thing is…he doesn’t hate Natsu. They’ve been friends since childhood, they have a good team, and Gray doesn’t want to throw that away. He and Natsu don’t talk, though, because...there’s still the wall between. Of hurt on Natsu’s side, and confusion on Gray’s.

Besides, Natsu seems more intent on watching Gray than making conversation. It makes Gray’s scalp itch, this sense of guilt that he was a terrible jerk and Natsu is seeing his shame. He hates that sense of judgment, even though he knows he deserves it.

He hopes Natsu’s gaze goes away; tries to be nice and offer olive branches in his actions. Ordering extra food and pushing it at Natsu, who is literally always hungry. Listening and not dissing when Natsu has some hair-brained scheme. Waiting for Natsu to forgive him and move on.

* * *

Freed comes out nonbinary.

Like all things in the guild, the news flashes around as fast as if there were some formal announcement, and by the end of the day, everyone is calling Freed “they,” even if a few of them stumble over it. Cana messes up every other time due to drinking too much, and then apologizes profusely and cries on Freed’s shoulder, while they pat her back and say they really don’t mind as long as she’s trying.

A feeling rises in Gray’s chest that could almost be jealousy. But then he realizes what it really is: freedom. With that freedom comes a sense of fear so large it threatens to swallow him. He’s on the edge of something terrifying which he doesn’t have words for—except maybe he does have words now. Maybe that’s what terrifies him.

_Them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An itty bitty chapter followed by a long chapter. Idk lol.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where the rating really applies :D

Gray tells Lucy.

You’d think he’d tell Erza first, or Cana, or Warren maybe. People he’s known for longer. But maybe because he’s only known Lucy for a year, she’s safer. She doesn’t have as many preconceived ideas about who Gray is.

Not to mention that they’re on a team together, so Lucy is someone he’s around a lot more than most people. Also, she can keep a secret, which Erza definitely can’t.

She listens to what takes him at first a few lame sentences (feeling he left so much out), and then turns into a conversation stretching late into the night. He goes over every little experience and moment that’s ever made him question who he is. What he is.

She listens, and she nods, and nothing changes in how she treats him. Nothing at all.

Gray is so relieved he could cry, except he hasn’t cried since he was a child. Instead, he hugs her, and the hug turns into half an hour of long-awaited comfort.

Wow, he really needed that.

* * *

 _They_ needed that. That’s how Gray thinks of himself—themself—in their head now. Sometimes they slip back into he and him, and other times even hearing those pronouns makes him uncomfortable.

Lucy calls Gray _they_ when talking to third parties where nobody else can hear. Like on missions, to innkeeps and others. There’s one time Gray thinks Natsu might’ve heard, tilting his head and looking at Lucy, but Natsu moves on quickly, shouting about something or rather that makes Gray smile.

Nobody else knows. Gray _needs_ nobody to know for now. They can’t handle the questions people will have. Gray can’t even answer those questions for themself.

* * *

Erza asks the two of them to take a mission together.

She’s got a prior commitment, she says, and Gray and Natsu are powerful, even stronger together, and this job needs immediate attention. They can handle it, she says. She trusts them. And gives them the eye that says they better behave.

Gray feels the weight of her look and knows, oh they know, that this look is aimed at Gray. _Figure out your shit with Natsu,_ her gaze says.

Gray agrees to meet Natsu first thing the next morning, and hurries out of the guild.

This is it. If they can’t get along with Natsu for the next few days, people will die. _Well-played, Erza._

* * *

When the pair meet outside the guild the next morning, they each look nervous as hell. Seeing Natsu nervous about being alone with Gray…that hurts.

Gray’s no good at apologies. What happened between them and Natsu fills Gray with so much shame they don’t want to talk about it even in their own head. Last night was a pain-fest of self-flagellation and nightmares. They want to leave it in the past and let it be forgotten. They don’t want to remind Natsu that they were so incredibly cruel.

But Natsu already knows their meanness. Gray’s old words stand between them. And Gray wants to get past this.

To be friends again, maybe. The past few months, it’s seemed like it could be possible again, if Gray would just…

“I’m sorry, Natsu.”

Natsu looks up, nerves falling away into a look of intensity. His gaze is so penetrating it hurts; much deeper and more full of thought than normal.

Gray ekes it out. They have to say all of it.

“For what I did. Back then, to you. Misgendering you on purpose. I didn’t mean it: I was trying to hurt you and it was for my own stupid internal reasons that…don’t really matter. It was really, really wrong.”

They hang their head, because meeting Natsu’s eyes any longer is impossible, and so they jump out of their skin when Natsu puts a hand on their shoulder.

“I forgive you,” he says.

Gray blinks at their shoes. “You do?”

_Just like that?_

“Thank you for saying it,” Natsu says, and Gray can hear the beginning of a smile in his voice.

The tension leaves them in an instant. Relief fills them up, and it’s more than just the forgiveness; it feels…like Gray has gotten back something they lost. Something they needed. They needed Natsu, and this…this unplugs something in Gray’s soul that really, really needed the permission to be free.

When they look up, they meet his smile with one of their own.

Just like that, they have to cry.

Gray turns to the side, dislodging Natsu’s hand, but they can’t just flee when the two of them have finally resolved things.

“Thank you,” they say, managing to hold onto their voice, lips still turned up in a smile. Since it’s happy tears that press at their eyes, the smile helps hold it off. “Thanks a lot.”

“Yeah,” Natsu says.

Gray’s shoulders unclench. Okay.

“I gotta go take care of some stuff,” they say, but they’re still smiling and letting Natsu see the smile. Letting him know things are good. “Before we leave. I’ll be back in half an hour; okay?”

“ ’Kay,” Natsu says.

Gray heads off, trying not to run. They aim as if toward home, but veer off into a park with lots of trees. Tears are already coming and their breath shudders out between their smile. Things are okay. They said the words and got everything out, and the two of them…they’re going to be okay.

Why does it feel like Gray’s heart is breaking apart and coming back together at the same time?

“Gray?” Natsu says.

His voice makes them jolt, swiping at their eyes in a hurry.

“This isn’t the way to your flat,” Natsu teases, then sees Gray’s face. “Oh.”

“Hah, sorry,” Gray tries, irked that they can’t quite get their voice to smooth out.

“Are you okay?”

His tone… Natsu sounds genuinely concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Gray lies.

They haven’t cried since they were ten. This is…this is weird.

“I don’t mind,” Natsu says hesitantly, meeting Gray’s eyes. “If you’re ready to go, we can go now. Or I can wait. Whatever you want. Need.”

Gray lets out a quiet laugh before nodding. “Yeah,” they say, “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

As the pair set off, Natsu’s hand finds Gray’s. At any other time, it would shred Gray’s nerves with anxiety, but since they’re already crying, something about it feels comforting. Just what they need. And Natsu is willing to give that to them, along with quiet and space and the acceptance to be how they are in this moment.

Whistling and smiling, Gray swings their hands as they walk, feeling more happy than they’ve felt in a long time.

Holding Natsu’s hand, the weight has lifted, and they’re free.

* * *

Coming out to everyone is…

Utterly terrifying.

People say it’s a relief, after. To get it all out there. Gray is waiting for that relief to hit, because right now they feel like a bar of steel being steadily held to an intense flame.

Ironically, the flame-brain himself is next to them as they do it. They came out to Natsu on their mission. Somewhere among camping together under the stars and talking about all the life-things they haven’t discussed together in so long, they went back to being best friends. And more, Gray’s heart says. It feels like it, anyway. More comforting and comfortable than it ever has been.

Natsu was the one who told them they needed to come out.

“People are just going to keep misgendering you unless they know,” he said. “And being misgendered sucks. Nothing makes your gender feel less valid than people casually using the wrong pronouns.”

Gray grimaced in the dark. They’d been rubbing out the bruise on their hand (they hadn’t quite escaped the day’s job unscathed), but they go still at his words.

“I’m sorry,” they say again. Grateful that it’s nighttime and Natsu can’t see their face.

In reply, there’s a sound of shuffling, and Natsu slides in beside them, shoulder against theirs. They haven’t held hands since that first day when Gray cried, but in the darkness, fingers slide between Gray’s and squeeze.

“You’ll feel better when you’re able to live as yourself,” Natsu whispered.

And maybe he has experience with doing this himself, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be the same for Gray. So far, it’s just severely uncomfortable. Elfman and Lisanna have a thousand questions, and every time someone comes into the guild, they’re loudly told the news.

It makes Gray feel like they’re under a spotlight.

“Let’s go,” Natsu says quietly when there’s a pause. “Get outside.”

Gray follows gratefully.

Behind the guild, they spar, but they don’t put the same energy into it they usually do. Instead it’s more like joking around, Natsu trying to do a back-handspring and failing, Gray making a slide for them to play around on…

It’s just messing around, and even though they’re eighteen now, it makes Gray laugh.

They can be themself around Natsu in a way they can’t with anyone else.

They say so.

Natsu looks up sharply. Gray meant it as a throwaway comment, but his gaze on them is piercing. Gray has been getting all too much of that piercing look lately.

“What?” they say, shrugging their shoulders in discomfort. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Gray,” Natsu says with a serious voice. “I love you.”

Now it’s Gray’s head that shoots up.

“What?”

“I think…I want to date you.”

Gray stares at him in dumb shock.

“Uh…Gray?”

“Hold on, I think my brain is restarting,” they laughed shakily.

“In a good way?”

Natsu is very carefully trying not to be nervous, they realize. His voice and eyes are steady, but there’s uncertainty around the edges of his mouth.

Grabbing his hand, Gray reels him in and kisses him firmly.

Natsu opens his mouth right away, making a low noise when Gray slips their tongue between his lips. They frame his face with his hands, tilting to better slot their mouths together so Gray can kiss him deeper. Natsu’s hands—now freely trembling—snake around their waist and tighten, like he can’t believe it. Like he’s got to make sure they can’t be taken away.

Gray is way better at this kind of nonverbal answer. Still, they pull away from Natsu long enough to gasp out, “Boyfriend,” before diving in for more.

Natsu grins into the kiss and curls his tongue around Gray’s.

* * *

Gray didn’t exactly, explicitly say they wanted to be caught having sex. They do imply the desire, strongly, several times, though. Natsu is still a little jealous that Gray has had sex before; though when he considers this feeling more closely, he realizes the root of it is fear. Fear that he won’t be good enough, won’t know what to do, won’t live up to Gray’s past partners.

They don’t leap right to sex in their relationship anyway, and for that Natsu is grateful. He’s still coming to terms with the fact that he’s head-over-heels in love with Gray, and Gray in fact cares about him in return. These feelings were a tangled mess for so many years, what with how terribly they used to interact with each other, that each time Gray smiles at him, it’s a shock.

The most delightful shock, of course.

The first time they do make love, it’s in private. Which is good, because Natsu is _intensely_ nervous once clothes start coming off, and the pair of them end up going really slowly, which is perfect—until it comes to actually getting each other off, at which point it goes way too fast for both of them. Natsu’s so wound up he comes as soon as their fingers shove inside him. Afterward, Gray just laughs. “We both wanted that so bad,” they say, like it’s something beautiful and not something frustrating, and Natsu realizes that it is exactly that.

Who says it’s wrong to come in less than a minute after getting fully naked? Sex can be whatever the fuck they want it to be.

Gray wants it to be public, Natsu knows. Which is why he carefully orchestrates it that Gray is horny during a guild party. (Turns out they’re supremely turned on by Natsu flirting with them, and it just takes a few looks before they’re hard—as Natsu finds out when he ‘accidentally’ brushes a hand over the front of their pants.)

Upstairs, it’s darker, and as the evening progresses—still with plenty of teasing and flirting, and Gray’s increasingly frustrated shifting—Natsu gets them to follow him up the stairs to the balcony.

In the corner, it’s semi-private. There’s a sofa partially blocking the view from the stairs, and people downstairs can’t make them out clearly through the balustrade in the low lighting. But it’s still the guild, in public, surrounded by the noise and voices of their guildmates.

Natsu pulls them in hard, so their bodies collide, and starts kissing them. Gray is so close to losing control that it just takes Natsu slipping his hand down their pants for Gray to dive for the fastenings of Natsu’s clothes.

They don’t get naked, but they don’t have to in order to have a fun time. Natsu silently agrees that it is _very_ exciting knowing anyone could come up the stairs, look over, and…

He jerks Gray off when he finds out how hard Gray is, and it’s delightful to feel Gray stifling their moans in Natsu’s neck. They come in undulating waves against his body, warm and wet in his hand, and Natsu shudders from the sheer pleasure of it.

Then Gray, whose hands had stilled halfway into Natsu’s trousers, tugs at the cloth and slides to their knees in front of him.

Oh _god._ Gray has licked him a few times, but never to completion yet; Natsu always has this urge to bring Gray up where he can see their face, look into their eyes while he comes. This… Maybe it’s the thrumming of the music, of the half-dark and the potential witnesses all around them; maybe it’s the excitement of getting Gray hot and bothered all night, but this…

Feels better than anything he’s felt before.

Gray puts their whole mouth against him, tongue flicking at the folds of his clit while a finger wiggles up into his cunt. He’s going to die from pleasure right here in the fucking guildhall. Threading both hands into Gray’s hair, Natsu pushes against their active, skillful lips, wet and soft against his skin, seeking pressure.

He humps into Gray’s mouth like that, and Gray lets him use them, humming while their eyes roll up as if they’re enjoying this as much as Natsu is.

_Fuck._

The peak is rushing at him when Natsu’s eyes fall open, orgasm coming like an unstoppable force, and then…he sees a pair of eyes by the stairwell.

Freed stares in shock, while Natsu stares back and tumbles over the edge into Gray’s mouth.

He’s still fucking against Gray’s lips when Freed retreats down the stairs, and he takes a few more moments to enjoy the aftershocks caused by Gray’s tongue before gently freeing his hands from their hair.

“Freed just saw us,” he says, discovering his voice is as hoarse as if he screamed his pleasure aloud.

Gray’s eyes light up. “Freed?”

Natsu grins down at him. “Yep.”

As Gray rises slowly, licking their lips, their expression is a mix of turned-on and satisfied.

“Serves them right,” they say, sliding their quivering hand into Natsu’s. “I’ve had to watch them fuck Laxus half a dozen ways.” Then they meet Natsu’s eyes. “Thank you.”

Natsu grins. “You’re welcome. I think I just discovered what kink is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You absolutely know Freed is going to immediately drag Laxus away and have their way with him. Maybe drag him into the kitchen and bend him over the counter. Or into a corner booth where they tangle together and frot their way to the finish line where anyone who paid attention could figure out what they're doing. Pick your poison…
> 
> I started writing this a year ago, shortly after NBM 2019 ended, and then didn’t pick it back up until this summer. At that point, I’d forgotten where I was going with the whole seeing-Fraxus-doing-it part, lol, so I just kinda added this scene to make it all fit. So yeah, gratuitous public sex, lol. Nothing to do with the actual plot of the story… xP
> 
> Please comment, kudos, or bookmark, every bit means something to me!


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